Sunday, August 10
Awoken by hs at 1:11am. I was concerned I hadn’t heard clear instructions for my next assignment and in fact caught a cold so am going in to the next stretch with a deficit. I was glad to hear the 3:20am wake up call in spite of my need for sleep and got up for my 6am boarding time for my four hour flight.
Since I was sick, I had determined I would ask for a blanket on the plane ride. Two separate stewardesses handed out blankets and I got refused both times saying it was for 老人 (old people). Later I asked for one yet another time and the third one told me they were out. I guess it’s a complement I don’t look old, but I suffered and had to exert my body more with my rising temperature. We arrived an hour earlier than expected and I dialed the phone number I was given for P Edee who I had never talked to before nor known what she looked like. P Edee picked up the call and rattled off something enthusiastically. I was dismayed and embarrassed that I couldn’t understand her one bit. I apologized & said 听不懂 “I don’t understand you.” After some fumbling around the language I figured out that I came in too early and she’d have to come get me an hour later at 11:30am. I found a place to lie on a hard surface. Not able to sleep but very tired.
I tried to talk to P Edee once more when she called but couldn’t understand 90% of what she said. I felt very incompetent and was disappointed I had made such a bad first impression. P Edee oversees 3000 branches of the company. She came to meet me and her driver dropped us off in the middle of a shopping strip reminding me of Bangkok. She had heels and a long dress on and I admired the unrushed stately manner by which she walked across chaotic busy street causing cars slow down and yield to her. She continued her stately walk in heels through the narrow back streets and up and down a treacherous stairway in order to get to her office.
My room was not yet ready so she had me come into her office. She asked me if I could teach, showing me a full schedule for the next 3 days. I had been fumbling through my Chinese all the way up until now and asked if she or anyone at all in the area spoke even a little English. She looked at me and said “cannot” 不会, as if saying “what are you talking about?” She showed me the schedule for morning, afternoon and evening sessions, 3 hours each. I said I would love to teach but there’s no way I can do this in Chinese for 90 minutes. I volunteered to do a 15 minute segment of talking to dad in English during each session.
She took me to eat at a nearby dig and it was actually quite good but I was not hungry at all. I talked a lot and volunteered a lot about my life, more than I ever would in English, to show her I really could speak Chinese a lot but just was incompetent with the topics she was talking to me about.
After being showed my room, I realized it was basically clean but lacked comforts: toilet paper, hair dryer, water supply, towels. I went around the alley ways to the main street to find a department store where I bought all these items plus a nice electric tea kettle, shampoo, all of these for 108yuan. ($18)
P Edee recommended that I rest all evening and all of tomorrow morning in order to get well. This was much welcomed and I had no problem sleeping the whole time admittedly with some crying out to my father because this has not been an easy adjustment.
Monday, August 12
Feeling amazingly well and restored after staying in bed for nearly 15 hours, I got lunch with Edee and 2 women downstairs I was again disappointed that I couldn’t understand enough of their small talk to make any sense of the topics. I came up to rest and hit a new low when no one came to pick me up at 2pm. I called P Edee who told me to wait because someone would pick me up. Yu Guang came at 2:45 to pick me up on motor bike to take me a few alleys away. I felt pretty comfortable and she was a good driver.
We walked through a dirty alley to get to a stairway and went 5 stories up and that opened into an apartment where several ladies stood up and greeted me. They all were dressed very nicely in Dai dresses. I was glad I changed into long pants. They were each paid leaders. I did my 15 minute segment at the end.
By the time the evening group came around I was more comfortable with the idea of sharing in Chinese and added a few personal words to my 15 minute segment. It took my 5 minutes to figure out they wanted to hear my testimony. I gave it. Out of this group four were in their 70’s. They were extremely receptive and gracious.
Tuesday, August 13
Dear friends,
I finally accessed the internet this morning. When I initially got here I asked P Edee, 你有没有wi-fi？“Do you have wi-fi?” She replied, 什么意思？”what does that mean?” She picked up the phone and demanded, “wi-fi, what does that mean?” wi-fi 什么意思？ After running for 2 miles around the moderately confusing streets, I could not find anyone who had wi-fi and half the people I asked didn’t know what that was. Zhang Hui who has an office next to P Edee set me up with his computer.
Yesterday I was invited by two women into a conversation which of course I could barely understand. The older of the two naturally asked my age because she didn’t yet know. I told her in order to get that out of the way. I asked for places to sight see around Xishuangbanna because so many people say it’s beautiful here. The older woman asked the younger Yu Wei Shuai who I met on Monday to take me to a park where there are animals because I like animals. She agreed.
Zhang Hui who I assumed was an associate boss came down and helped think of places to sightsee. He told me I was busy on Thursday going to his group so I have to go sightseeing tomorrow (Wednesday). He then told me he could take me briefly right now but to change my clothes because we’d go on his motorcycle.
I found out soon enough that we were not going sightseeing but to a small group in the suburbs. I also found out he was not a boss (that is solely a title given to P Edee) but is an elder. This small group consisted of 8 people, the youngest of which was probably late 60s or 70. I was again asked my age and I’ve grown accustomed to having people guess. I’m glad that they guessed 17 years too young.
Zhang Hui张辉长老 who by the way is someone around my age or a little younger who I like very much, introduced me as Japanese Am and “听不懂” i.e. “she doesn’t understand a word you’re saying.” He later revised that to say “she knows 一点点” emphasizing that she knows veeeeeery veeeeery little Chinese (which is notably less than “一点” －which I normally use to say I know just a little Chinese.”)
Zhang Hui stood and spoke very passionately for over 30 minutes, making up for all the energy of the rest of us whose faces reflected boredom, and I of course “didn’t understand.” At the end he asked me to talk to dad for each one regarding pains in their bodies in English. When I did I was overcome with compassion first with one who brought up a request then with another, and then almost everyone, pointing and nodding that it was making a difference. When addressing the last woman who had a heart problem, I couldn’t help the tears that came streaming down my face. Embarrassed, I held it back as soon as I could and tried to discreetly wipe my face. I gave one more last word to the group in English. Afterward Zhang Hui asked if I was still sick. I told him no but I did find myself crying for no reason.
This evening Guan came to pick me up. She spoke some elementary level English. Her husband had a Toyota Camry and she wore fashionable modern clothes. The meeting place housed 30 people and seemed more formal with a clear front of the room where the speaker stood. They of course asked me my age, this time in front of 20 or so people. I decided not to have them guess, but just immediately coughed it up so they could be satisfied. The group which consisted mostly of people older than I, greeted me as an honored guest and seated me in the very front, continually offering me fruit, coffee, a fan. I began to wonder if I was speaking. (this has happened to me before.) I started madly preparing in my mind what to share in Chinese. When the time came I was relieved that was not their expectation but toward the end Guan wrote a note to me in Chinese and I was thinking, “you think I can read that?” but sort of made out what it said, and sort of guessed part of it. She was asking if I would say the last words to the group. I said ok and asked how long? She said 3 minutes, then she asked if I would speak in English or Chinese. If I spoke in English she said I would have to write my words out ahead of time so she could translate. I didn’t think I could so I said I’ll share in Chinese, but could she translate my Chinese into better Chinese?
This proved to be a very good plan. I shared with the group in beginner Chinese and she translated what I said into understandable Chinese. Then I gave the last words and prayed. The group was just so overwhelmingly giving and hospitable, heaping me with bags of fruit and cake.
Afterward one of them who I had met yesterday took my hand and held it tightly to walk me out down a long bumpy road we had to take. She was in her 70’s and we walked at a very slow pace. Then someone else in the group grabbed my other hand. One by one each left the group to go to their houses as they came up. Guan and I continued to the car.
I have to say my assessment so far is this is a very vibrant organization and I have much admiration for them. Most of the 28 small groups meet twice a week on week nights and there are many managers within. The content of meetings have depth and there is a high level of commitment to service, though largely didactic in nature. I have noted and have targeted in my thoughts, the observation that they operate in the ruler paradigm.
Thursday, August 15
Dear friends,
I sit in my room with the fan blasting in the sweltering heat studying the Chinese manual. Graced with instant hot coffee (it is a luxury to have a cold drink around here because we need to boil the water before serving) I find it strangely fulfilling to be in the same position as many college students in southern China who earnestly spend long hours preparing for exams without air conditioner.
Yesterday Yu Wei Shuai picked me up on her motorbike to take me to a park so I could see animals. She had on a beautiful Dai long dress with white high heel sandals. I was in shorts, t-shirt and sneakers. I asked if I should change. She said no. She lifted and clipped her skirt up, put on an athletic jacket and white laced gloves and a motorcycle helmet and with her leather handbag between her knees proceeded to start her motorbike. I felt so thankful that I could be on new land and spoke to dad on the back of her bike as I did all day treading on various parts of the city.
She took me through a beautiful part of town on the other side of the river and up a lush green road to 西双版纳原始森林公园 (Virgin Forest National Park). She urged us to walk instead of catch a tram and I was glad to do so but was also confounded by how she would navigate this with her long dress and heals as we climbed roads, stairs and dirt roads and rocky paths. I think we walked a good 1.5 miles. I noticed that like P Edee she walks with much dignity and a slow majestic pace, not veering to the right or left of the path she chooses to walk. No matter if there is a small obstacle in the way, she will walk through it. I tried to mirror this but alas, I just find myself naturally walking at a fast pace, dodging the people coming at me like a floundering oarsman exhaustingly rowing upstream.
Yu Wei Shuai asked if I wanted to see a snake. I did. A big poisonous snake had its venom removed and its mouth closed. The woman handling it asked if we wanted to touch it. I said blankly, “no, I’m afraid.” As tour groups came and went I still stood there very interested though keeping my distance. I asked if the snake was gentle. She said yes and urged me to feel the tenderness of its scales. I looked it into its eyes and made a connection. I felt the gentleness of his skin and laid my hand gently on it brushing him with love. We saw some other beautiful plants and animals but connecting with a snake was extremely gratifying and unexpected.
Later in the afternoon once again at my home, I went out for a walk and thinking I had to fend for myself for dinner, bought some little snacks. When I got back a couple of ladies who were working at the office said I just missed someone who was picking me up for dinner. Somehow I missed that I was supposed to go somewhere. An hour later Liu Pei Xian came to pick me up to go to an outdoor faire. I was surprised because although Yu Wei Shuai though she wanted to take me to this place, told me she ended up being too busy so I thought it was cancelled, but instead she sent Liu.
I had thought Liu Pei Xian was about my age but she told me today she was 60 yrs old! The other night she picked me up on her large motor bike and took me through the back dirty/muddy alleys to someone’s house. This was the most precarious ride I have been on so far during this stretch but less on account of her driving skills (which were amazing) and more because of the terrain we had to cover in the dark.
Anyway, I was glad to go out tonight. As I spent time with her I realized I understood most of what she was saying. Baffled, I told her “how come I can understand you, but I cannot understand anyone else around here?’ She laughed and said “I don’t know.” I asked if she was Dai tribe. Said no, she was Han (majority of Chinese are Han and a big part of this company is Dai). She wasn’t particularly educated and was born and raised here. I concluded and said “the accent of most of the people I am relating to is just so hard for me to understand.” I continued to get what she was saying all through the evening, albeit quite simplified, and asked if she could be my translator. She laughed.
After seeing the outskirts as well as the downtown area, I have to say contrary to my first impressions based on the back alleys of where I am residing, Xishuangbanna/Jinghong is a beautiful and well developed place. I felt various connections with land and as usual I have been drawn to animals.
Friday August 16
Dear friends,
Time is flying yet it is standing still. I was shocked it was already Friday but then at the same time wondered what the purpose is that I’m still here. I had a good much needed 4 mile run this morning after not being able run very far since arriving here. I had intentions of finding an English speaker and approached 2 bigger hotels but alas they only stared at me, I presume not understanding the odd way I mangled their language. As I got more frustrated, my fantasies grew more grandiose, now I having intentions of reaching out to the people in the community and bringing more and more people to him. Alas, the communication is only the first of the barriers I must overcome if I am to reach these people.
As frustrations grew, I become more anxious to move on to Nanjing, but then became temperately aware of a fullness of time needed to prepare for yet a bigger shock.
I had an extended dream containing family members. I didn’t send this portion. It picks up with President Carter which I think is the Miyabe baby. After atl, the meaning to the dream jumped out at me. Please read below the dream.
DREAM:
End of my family dream: my dad said if there were any expenses then he had a lot of $.
Then, I was doing an Urban Challenge (like The Amazing Race) with a guy friend. We were winging it a bit and were doing ok and got to a school campus where President Carter was supposed to be a guest and we saw him. He was on the side of the road looking like he was waiting for a parade to start. I saw him and pointed him out to everyone but they didn’t see me and instead pointed him out to me. I was going down the road first and I was aware I had to veer to the left because it was going to go downhill and the left turn was going to come up really fast. I took a jump but my partner did not. My partner was trying to carry 5-6 items without a bag and dropped his folder. This other guy who was racing against us was also carrying a lot of stuff and also missed the turn. I asked the race official if we can just leave some stuff here? He said, “if you’re one to wing it (like we are), that’s ok but there are a lot of car accidents. You can do it this way but you can’t leave anything there.” (i.e. you have to take the folder and carry everything you brought).
We had to put together a stage production to a song that required bell (huge bells) ringing that required the whole body. I had 3/5 and 5/5 meter (time signature). We were on some kind of small boat. The first musical line that started the song literally rocked the whole boat. My partner came with his musical entry next and rocked the boat even more. I was hanging on pretty tightly when my part came up and wondered if I did it right. The boat was rocking severely at that point and I was hanging on for dear life.
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In the earlier part of my dream that I did not include here, I had a feeling of discouragement having to do with youth, my parents, my brother and the word where I was sharing without result. I am suspect that the family and youth part has to do with processing the past, and the Urban Challenge and the stage production part has to do with the future. I have been atl all day and especially who my partner is. I believe my partner is among you all, but I want particularly to ask you if you would read that portion of my dream and put yourselves in that place and please let me know if that speaks to any of you.
Maybe a few of you will feel like you are supposed to be partners preparing with me. I have been particularly hesitant about this next leg in Nanjing because I specifically heard “not to go alone.” Hoping you can join me.
Someone wrote:
Thanks for sharing your dream. Heads up for keeping up the emails to you. I have you on my heart. Hoping you are doing well and keeping safe in your travels. Thanks for the update. Below some thoughts I would like to share with you.
Land assessment for a new business takes time. Take time to rest before next job opportunity. You are right on time. Not only does Dad have $$ for you but has already arranged your next appointments for you.
Time to rest is what is most important right now. Enjoy some good food…. Be filled…:) Dad and I love you dearly.
I answered:
Thank you for that good word of encouragement. I appreciate you atl for me. The most difficult part is not being comfortable. It’s not exactly camping but I have a hard and bumpy bed, cold water showers, and no western comforts and sanitation. I often think of transferring into a hotel but am not clear that is the right or best thing to do given these people’s generosity and availability to me. The other day I asked one of the women if I could do my laundry. She said of course, and she would help me. She made a motion of scrubbing in a basin. I objected and said “no, I want to use a washing machine and pay someone.” She said no, and to give her all my laundry. I gave her some thinking I’d wash the rest by hand by myself, but then it is so hard with my set up to do that. I saw her scrubbing my laundry below and thought I’d ask if I could do it and the rest of my clothes. She adamantly said “no, please give the rest of your clothes to me and go rest.” I said “I’ll pay you!” but she was insulted by that.
So I am both blessed and stuck here. It is definitely a time of discipline and perseverance for me as I study for long hours in the heat on an uncomfortable chair longing for the internet to connect when Zhang is using his computer. Can you relate? I could use your advice.
Carolyn,
Been atl for you. 🙂 Got your other emails. They seemed to answer the questions I have been asking. Two days left if your schedule is the same as when you left. I really feel you are right to stay where you are and not opt out for comfort. I know this is very hard and yes, I truly understand.
Although when I was there I was spoiled by more comfort than you are having, but when we would go outside the University the comforts were not there. We got a taste of what you are describing….but also a heart for the people. I see you getting to the point where you too will be racing through the towns on your own motorbike. I believe this will happen sooner than later. 🙂 You are an overcomer and I am so proud to know you and to watch as you navigate through all that is being given to you. My p’s are for an awareness of Dad’s plans for you where ever you end up. Hold on to what you have been taught. You are living out the “real deal.”
I wrote:
Thank you for your letter back and for empathizing with my situation. I know you probably had a lot of experiences like this. I appreciate your encouragement and your believing in me and walking with me in this journey.
I ended up getting another hotel room on the side today (Sunday) in a place 10 min walking distance away. They let me check in at 7am and I could take a warm shower. I was feeling that after Sunday morning my obligation during this trip was fulfilled and I valued the focused prep time for my Monday morning flight into Nanjing.
Once I found the 2nd space, I gave it back to the L8d and he asked me to stay the morning and early afternoon at my previous site. I did and got lunch with P Edee. I then went back in the evening and fortunately caught her in her office alone. I explained that I would move out for the night to prepare for Nanjing, and meet her back here in the morning. Then I shared why I was going and asked for her support. I had to point to words in the dictionary. She knew the incidents and nodded. She seemed to understand my leaving for the night and we had a very sweet exchange. She asked for my support as well. These last 2 days have been very needed in terms of our relationship so in spite of my restlessness I can see why it was important that I stay. If P Edee and I could only talk, we would have tons to share. She is truly apostolic I have so much to glean from her.
My last days in Xishuangbanna were indeed necessary.
Yesterday P Edee told me to come to a wedding. When I showed up she and all of the other 8 Dai tribe members, a group of beautiful middle aged mothers I met with on the first day of small groups were there. They always have such amazing presence always wearing their long dresses and pulled back hair. They to my surprise, all ride motor bikes. It was quite an interesting scene to have all 11 of us caravanning on a 15 mile trek, 1 mile of which was a muddy dirt road up a mountain. The Dai tribe women seemed pristine and unphased after the drive, and we reached the mountain village, home of the Akha tribe where the wedding was held. To my shock there was a blonde haired little boy there. Zhang grabbed me and pointed to me saying he’s American. “Get out of here!” I thought. Indeed just then his dad came out and I was introduced to a full fledged American from MIchigan. He had been here for 5 years and spoke Mandarin moderately well. I was so longing for a means of communication that after chatting with him I asked if he wouldn’t mind translating because I would love to know P Edee better but cannot understand her.
We had a sit down where I gathered some astounding information. From 1987 when she became a Christian, she actually started around 9 churches including the only other big church in this city which she handed off and which still has 300 people. She then built this current one from the ground up (a large 6 story building housing many apartments and triple level overflow rooms). It now has 2000+ and sends employees out each week into other tribes like the Akha, many of whom have a long history of warring with each other. This was certainly the case of the Akha and Dai but apparently through Edee and others had enough relationship to extend this wedding invitation. New Christians typically get threatened from their own tribes and the government.
After this talk through the translator, it seems our hearts met. I know it was mutually frustrating for her that I couldn’t understand her. She walked with her arm around me all the way back. In her office she gave me an expensive gift which I reluctantly accepted.
Morethan once now I have eaten with these Dai women who seem to go out to company special events together. Over meals, it is common to toast with a tribal yell. It is quite “tribal” as either Edee or Yu Guang gives a long, loud high yell at the top of their voice and the others join in with 3 short lower yells. The other day when Edee and I were sitting in a small group meeting of about 50 she got distracted and started to play with my iPad like a little kid. The song leader missed a cue and the song fell apart. She looked up confounded, put my iPad aside, and belted out the rest of the song in an amazing piercing voice and without letting another note drop, led everyone through another 2 stanzas until the end.
A young man graced me with patience yesterday and engaged me in a conversation for almost 2 hours. He seemed like he really wanted me to learn how to understand him. He went through each of the chapters of the bible in his language so I could get it. I finally could understand his accent and eventually learned he is hoping to be a company employee but there is no job for him right now. He is still trying to learn all he can about working for this church.
On Sunday morning, on my last day here, as I walked to the meeting I atl about these minority tribes. In my growing heart for China I had never thought of these and have not been particularly moved even until now. Then suddenly, I wept. Luke 15 became clear to me. I was quite touched at the meeting as well, and on occasion, for no reason during the meeting, wept again.
P Edee took me to lunch and in the quietness of knowing we couldn’t understand each other (so why try to talk?), but also knowing our hearts for each other, we ate.